Jokes

Messagepar **Elmut** » 29 juin 2015, 20:16

Hi everyone !
Do you want to hear chicken jokes, or anti jokes (my favourites !), knock knock jokes, or science jokes ? Then this is the very place to be !

I begin with an easy one :

Why does the chicken cross the road ?
To get to the other side !

And one of my favourites :

What do an eagle and a mole have in common ?
They both can fly. Apart from the mole.

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 29 juin 2015, 20:54

Oooh I like it!

Why has the hipster burnt his tongue?
Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.

Messagepar **Elmut** » 29 juin 2015, 21:01

Ahah cool !

Why does the chicken cross the Möbius strip ?
To get to the same side !

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 29 juin 2015, 21:30

…
Could you share it on my website, please ? :-)

Messagepar **Elmut** » 30 juin 2015, 13:02

Yes, of course !
(By the way : I LOVE your website ! :mrgreen:

)

Some other ones :

How do you confuse a blond ?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her !

What is red and smells like blue paint ?
Red paint !

Why did the T-Rex cross the road ?
Because the chicken hadn't evolved yet !

Messagepar **tphi** » 30 juin 2015, 13:26

Oh my god, they are communicating...

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 30 juin 2015, 19:52

Elmut a écrit :Why did the T-Rex cross the road ?
Because the chicken hadn't evolved yet !

Oh my god… :mrgreen:

Messagepar **Elmut** » 01 juil. 2015, 17:54

You'd better kill me before I lay eggs...

An other one !
A blind guy walks into a bar. And then a chair. And a table.

This one is pretty cool, too :
What is red and bad for your teeth ?
A brick !

Messagepar **lavi** » 01 juil. 2015, 22:16

My god... The puns are getting real here...

It's Puntastic !

Messagepar **Elmut** » 03 juil. 2015, 13:48

lavi a écrit :It's Puntastic !

Messagepar **Elmut** » 05 juil. 2015, 16:43

Why was six afraid of seven ?
Because seven ate nine. ("seven eight nine"... *badoum tsss*)

Messagepar **Elmut** » 02 août 2015, 18:04

A new one !

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the toilet ?
Because the "P" is silent.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo. :mrgreen:

Messagepar **Pafnouti42** » 10 août 2015, 14:19

Elmut a écrit :Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the toilet ?
Because the "P" is silent.

Far too much refinement...

Messagepar **Elmut** » 10 août 2015, 17:04

It makes me thing about an other story involving pee...

From SMBC comics

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 10 août 2015, 17:09

Hahaha !

(Moderation notice: Elmut, please consider editing your latest post in order to quote the author and the licence of this post; otherwise I’m afraid I will have to delete it to avoid judiciary issues …

)

Csdo · Messagepar **Csdo** » 10 août 2015, 17:14

I don't speak english :cry:

Messagepar **Elmut** » 10 août 2015, 17:38

Milton a écrit :Hahaha !

(Moderation notice: Elmut, please consider editing your latest post in order to quote the author and the licence of this post; otherwise I’m afraid I will have to delete it to avoid judiciary issues … )

Like that ?

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 10 août 2015, 17:39

Thank you very much! I think it’s better.
(sorry, I am a bit strict about licensing matters, but I am involved in defending free softwares, and what is mainly at stake is respecting licences)

Messagepar **Elmut** » 10 août 2015, 17:46

No, no, it's okay ! I thought the name of the website was written somewhere on the pic, I didn t check before...

Soooo, no one else got a joke ?

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 10 août 2015, 17:51

Huuh … I have some good jokes, but they all are on my (abandonned) website, so I’m afraid I will have to ramble …

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 13 août 2015, 16:31

How do you call a fish with no eyes?

Messagepar **Elmut** » 13 août 2015, 16:37

Hum... let's see... an amblyopsidae ?

Well, seriously : you call it by its name. Or with your voice.

Messagepar **Elmut** » 13 août 2015, 16:41

No ? Well... You call it a "fsh" ?

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 13 août 2015, 16:41

Elmut a écrit :No ? Well... You call it a "fsh" ?

Damn it.

Messagepar **Elmut** » 13 août 2015, 16:42

Da Rouf a écrit :
Elmut a écrit :No ? Well... You call it a "fsh" ?

Damn it.

Whaaaat ?? I'm right ?

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 13 août 2015, 16:47

Elmut a écrit :
Da Rouf a écrit :
Elmut a écrit :No ? Well... You call it a "fsh" ?

Damn it.

Whaaaat ?? I'm right ?

Yes you are.

And what does a fish with no eyes say when he runs into a wall?

Messagepar **Elmut** » 13 août 2015, 16:48

Da Rouf a écrit :
Elmut a écrit :
Da Rouf a écrit :
Elmut a écrit :No ? Well... You call it a "fsh" ?

Damn it.

Whaaaat ?? I'm right ?

Yes you are.

And what does a fish with no eyes say when he runs into a wall?

Hum...

A) It says "ouch"
B) Nothing. A fish can't run. They swim. Even a 4 years old know that, you idiot. :mrgreen:

Messagepar **Elmut** » 13 août 2015, 16:49

Da Rouf a écrit :How do you call a fish with no eyes?

Elmut Approves.png

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 13 août 2015, 16:51

Elmut a écrit :
Da Rouf a écrit :And what does a fish with no eyes say when he runs into a wall?

Hum...

A) It says "ouch"
B) Nothing. A fish can't run. They swim. Even a 4 years old know that, you idiot.

Nope, he says: "Damn"

Messagepar **Elmut** » 13 août 2015, 16:54

Da Rouf a écrit :
Elmut a écrit :
Da Rouf a écrit :And what does a fish with no eyes say when he runs into a wall?

Hum...

A) It says "ouch"
B) Nothing. A fish can't run. They swim. Even a 4 years old know that, you idiot.

Nope, he says: "Damn"

My "ouch" was pretty close ! :mrgreen:

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 13 août 2015, 16:55

Elmut a écrit :
Da Rouf a écrit :ote]

Nope, he says: "Damn"

My "ouch" was pretty close !

Yeah but that wouldn't be a joke xD

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 14 août 2015, 10:01

Da Rouf, just an out-of-subject question: how do you pronounce « Ij », the big river in the north of Amsterdam? « Eye »?

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 14 août 2015, 21:51

Milton a écrit :Da Rouf, just an out-of-subject question: how do you pronounce « Ij », the big river in the north of Amsterdam? « Eye »?

Almost! If you pronounce it "eye" you would be understood by any dutchman. However, it would also result in a sliiight accent. It has to sound quite short, and you must tryto supress the "yeuh" sound at the end of "eye", it is more like "èï" actually

Anyway, back in topic: Why does no-one want a fungus as a roommate?

Vanxoo_ · Messagepar **Vanxoo_** » 14 août 2015, 22:09

Because he takes to much room ?

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 14 août 2015, 22:31

Vanxoo_ a écrit :Because he takes to much room ?

Yep!

(your turn now)

Vanxoo_ · Messagepar **Vanxoo_** » 14 août 2015, 22:46

A short one: why did 10 die ?

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 15 août 2015, 13:01

... Dunno...

Vanxoo_ · Messagepar **Vanxoo_** » 15 août 2015, 18:43

Because he was in the middle of 9/11 :arrow:

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 15 août 2015, 19:15

Vanxoo_ a écrit :Because he was in the middle of 9/11

Watch out the NSA! :shock:

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 16 août 2015, 01:33

Milton a écrit :
Vanxoo_ a écrit :Because he was in the middle of 9/11

Watch out the NSA!

You f*cking madman!! :shock:

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

Csdo · Messagepar **Csdo** » 17 août 2015, 09:16

Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Why didn't the spider go to school ? ................. Because she learned everything on the web

Kennedjiro · Messagepar **Kennedjiro** » 17 août 2015, 09:31

Csdo a écrit :Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo1tjBmwuXI

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 17 août 2015, 09:46

I didn’t think it was even possible to have CSDO posting in this topic …

Messagepar **Elmut** » 17 août 2015, 19:21

Csdo a écrit :Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Two soldiers are in a tank. They drown.

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 18 août 2015, 22:24

Csdo a écrit :Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Why didn't the spider go to school ? ................. Because she learned everything on the web

That one was gold!

Why can't bikes stand up on their own?
Because they are two-tired.

Messagepar **Elmut** » 19 août 2015, 09:36

Yesterday, my grand father kicked the bucket. He spilled water everywhere. :mrgreen:

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 20 août 2015, 10:21

Elmut a écrit :Yesterday, my grand father kicked the bucket. He spilled water everywhere.

http://youtu.be/XbQVaupPS80

Kennedjiro · Messagepar **Kennedjiro** » 20 août 2015, 10:40

Da Rouf a écrit :
Elmut a écrit :Yesterday, my grand father kicked the bucket. He spilled water everywhere.

http://youtu.be/XbQVaupPS80

Tu les connais vraiment toutes par cœur? ._.

Dⓐ Яøʊƭ · Messagepar **Dⓐ Яøʊƭ** » 20 août 2015, 11:26

Kennedjiro a écrit :
Da Rouf a écrit :
Elmut a écrit :Yesterday, my grand father kicked the bucket. He spilled water everywhere.

http://youtu.be/XbQVaupPS80

Tu les connais vraiment toutes par cœur ? ._.

Dragon ball abridged c'est la vie, jeune impudent! :evil:

Messagepar **Miltøn** » 20 août 2015, 11:27

In English, please.

Qui est en ligne ?